♥ Thursday, November 11, 2010 ♥
"Just Say No to Fighting
by Michael Webb
When I went to Junior High School I said 'no' to drugs. When I went
to the marriage alter I said 'no' to fighting.
Nancy Reagan's "Just Say No" anti-drug campaign was a huge success.
Kids made a verbal commitment and a mental stance to avoid drugs
before they were even of the age to be tempted. When they were
introduced to drugs, they knew they could "just say no" and not
feel alone.
Drug use among school age children plummeted in the 1980s and many
have held up Nancy Reagan's program as the chief reason. People who
decide how they are going to cross a bridge before they ever get to
it have a much greater chance of not falling in the water.
Why can't we start a "Just Say No to Fighting" campaign? I'll
admit, we are against tough odds. It is perfectly acceptable (and
often expected) in our modern culture for a husband and wife to
fight. Many marriage and relationship counselors even encourage it
in the name of "communication."
Yes, it is true. My wife and I have never had a fight. Not in our
20-plus years of marriage. I don't intend on starting. I made a
decision when I was dating Athena that I would never fight with
her. I saw firsthand how the curse of fighting destroyed my
parents' and dozens of other marriages.
Certainly there are times when emotions get wrinkled, and the
natural inclination is to blow your top. I sometimes have to bite
my tongue so I don't say something I would later regret (since when
is self-control a bad thing?). Having a naturally calm personality
has admittedly made it easier for me to think before I speak than
it is for some people. But that shouldn't stop anyone from trying.
Unlike many other relationship experts, I don't see fights or
heated arguments as healthy. I just can't imagine how hurting my
spouse with verbal and emotional barbs (yes - they do cause serious
pain) could ever be encouraged under the guise of "opening up and
sharing your feelings." Baloney! I don't need to raise my voice or
throw dishes to say I disagree or to explain what I am feeling.
Neither does anyone else.
We don't fall for the drug pusher's lies that "everyone's doing it"
or "just a little bit won't hurt" and we shouldn't be so gullible
to accept the wives tales that everyone fights and that it is a
healthy part of relationships.
Fighting is not harmless. It is addictive and if continued, it is
likely to cause irreparable damage. It's time to get clean. Go and
fight no more."
